Stunted in denial,
until after our farewell
it did not feel real
too painful to feel.
I could not cry
when we said goodbye.
I had no tears,
to expose my fears.
She is really not there.
Our journey no longer
hers to share.
I continue on, only
now she’s gone.
Songbirds on her farewell card.
Singing their truth, however hard,
with olive leaves, a quiet sign,
of the hope that was hers and mine.
Songbirds, a dyad, on the cover.
A haven built with one another,
vivid, abundant, warm, kind.
Grief seeps in like a tide.
Waves of loss engulf my mind.
A swell of tears or blissful sleep.
Getting on, as normal feels so steep.
I wake up and slowly realise
she’s no longer there.
I wake up and remember
how much I care.
Awareness creeps in,
then jolting pain,
when I realise the loss
all over again.
I feel it acutely,
our space empty
Chest heavy.
Throat tight.
Motivation slight.
She’s really gone.
She really shone.
I want to tell her something,
I want to hear what she thinks.
To think together again,
on something deep.
I miss her smile, her laugh,
and hearing her speak.
Then I realise,
and my heart sinks.
Everything else is normal.
Everything is different.
I am different,
without her voice,
without her thoughts,
without her there.
© 2026 Beck Lou. All rights reserved.
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